They loved him. As family and yet more powerful, he thinks. And worse, there was no one there to catch them after the fall.
"No, ssshhh." He smoothes their hair back. "You're doing fine. Dios, Nekane, you're learning as you go and you haven't exactly had a head start." More the opposite.
He shuffles a bit closer, still holding on.
"There's no graceful way to do this. It's all a mess, all of it, no matter who it is. For all that, you're doing fine."
He reaches out of them properly then, pulling them in to a sort of hug.
"He meant everything to you. And you meant so much to him. You two spent so much time together, healed together, caused trouble together. And now it feels like you're on your own. It's all ripped up and it's going to feel ugly. But it's okay. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to cry. Wanting him back, all of it's just fine. Let yourself grieve, my friend. And remember that, even though he can't be with you right now, he's with you in every way he can. In your humor. In your recklessness. In the happiness you feel, when you remember the good times together. In the fact that he cares so much about you and that will never go away, as long as you live. Even if it doesn't feel like enough, you had each other and that will never change. I'm sure he came to be so happy to know you. Just as I am."
They themself couldn't say how deep it went. It wasn't romantic, that much Nekane can say with certainty. But...John was the first human being that broke that despair and hatred of humanity. He presented it simply and expanded in a way they understood when Nekane hurt a kid who tried touching their wings. Cycles and what ifs are bullshit.
Even if it's something that you have a hard time breaking. Like reaching for a cigarette when you're quitting smoking or refusing sleep.
Héctor pulls them closer and they don't fight it. Not for the first time Nekane wonders when they stopped minding this sort of closeness. Even their file in that hospital had made note they made an exception for Héctor.
"...mushy. So fucking m-mushy." They hiccup, causing a stutter and bury themself against him and in the blankets. But he's right and Nekane knows he's right. Missing someone, mourning them. It's okay.
It's okay.
Nekane takes a deep breath and just...lets themself cry. And more importantly, remember. His expression when they first woke up, his reaction when they called him 'John Doe' for the first time. Every little thing is in their memory and they'll never give it up. John stuck his hand in a bear trap and pulled out someone who was just as fucked up as he was...but.
"He...he saved my life. He's the reason why I'm alive." Because Nekane's not stupid and knew if they found someone else, they would have died. Someone who was nothing helped someone who had to be nothing. "I wish he had a better fucking life but I'm happy he had it anyway. Does...that make sense? Or...does it really matter if I make no fucking sense?"
Mushy, they say, and he smiles fondly, unashamedly. He knows they don't actually disagree with anything he's said.
They go quiet and he doesn't try to speak or stop it. He lets the cry onto his, dampening his shirt. He runs a hand through their hair, soothing the rougher hiccups and sobs when he can. He has a feeling this is all well over due.
"It makes sense," He answers when they finally speak again. "But it also doesn't have to." Because the point isn't to explain so much as feel it. And maybe be heard.
He kisses the top of their head once again.
"I understand. I've felt the same way. Sometimes those rough paths lead us places. I'll always be grateful to him, for saving you."
They laugh a little bit. "He'd just say that he was in a good mood that day." But they know it's not the case. He's not the kind of guy to give them an option he'd yank out from under them.
Or maybe they were one of the few exceptions John made in his life. It was hard to tell.
"...thank you." They know Héctor's the kind of person to listen but there's listening and helping. He does both by being here.
Or is it more that they can simply relax when he's around? It's hard to tell. Like standing on a cliff and are about to look over it. Nekane doesn't know.
"I can see him saying that," He agrees. But he doesn't think John would mean it. It's something Nekane would say, to brush off thanks, but they wouldn't mean it either.
He reaches out and once again brushes their hair back from their eyes. It's not so much that it's ever in the way as it's the excuse to touch and comfort. He smiles, too fond, but Nekane doesn't know and can't tell, so it's okay.
"De nada, Kane," He says back softly. Then, with a slight pause, he asks, "Do you want more sleep? Or would you like me to make breakfast for us?"
They pause and think, and then get hung up on the fact that they're deciding between eating and sleeping. Normally they would just move from one thing to another and skip the whole sleeping thing. But with having slept for most of the day - or week, they don't know - Nekane actually feels pretty good.
And hungry. Yeah. Priorities.
"Breakfast, probably. Slept too fucking long. Gimmie a minute though and I'll give you a hand."
They need to extract themself from the blankets and all.
"My body acts like I've never fucking slept." Because they have. When they pass out from sleep deprivation. "It's useless."
But despite their grumbling they do eventually untangle themself from the blankets and join Héctor in the kitchen. They immediately shuffle over to the coffee maker and start it up. Two cups, one for them and for Héctor if he wants, and an energy drink and sugar.
"Your body takes you farther than any body reasonably should. Ought to consider yourself lucky it puts up with your nonsense," He says back to them, laughing.
Though really, he's one to talk.
He doesn't have the health know-how to call out their drink choices but he smirks anyway because no one could pay him to drink the things Nekane does. Too sweet. Much too sweet.
"Maybe for the fresher stuff. We should have enough staples for another day at least, seeing as we were gone all that time." He goes to make up his own coffee and then takes a sip. Nice to be able to have this whenever. "Welcome home by the way."
They make a face back at Héctor, despite the knowledge of every single health book that they consumed that said they'd probably have died of a heart attack years ago if they were human. But if the universe wanted them to stop eating sugar, someone would have to make it taste less good.
So into the coffee the energy drink goes. Messed up organs for the win.
"I'll go through it all and write down a list. Remembered a couple of recipes that you might like." It'll be easy on his stomach too. Maybe they should start looking into vegetarian options too.
It feels weird to have someone welcome them home. John was usually neck-deep in his case files or was otherwise checked out. He showed how he felt in different ways. And when he died Nekane came back to their own empty apartment day in and out. Often they didn't leave.
He notices the way they look when he says that. He tucks the memory away, somewhere in his head where he hopes it will last. He smiles down at his coffee cup.
"Sounds nice." Even if he struggled with food, the gesture was still something. He trusted Nekane as much as he could trust anyone.
He starts looking through the cupboards and the fridge.
"So, what would you like? Huevos, huevos rancheros, chilaquiles... buñuelos?" He looks back at their face.
they lean into his hand gently and just breathe. It feels nice.
"Alright. But kick me if you need something."
When he breaks off to get out what he needs, Nekane folds their arms and rests their head against the table. Héctor's humming in the silence is nice and soothing. Something to pass the time of silence. Was it a song from him they've heard before?
But their thoughts eventually submit to the sounds of his humming. When Héctor turns around again, they've fallen asleep and are breathing gently.
It might be. It might be that he's hummed this now and again, wordless, yet steadily becoming something. A song that's not yet done.
But a song that's them.
He finishes cooking, the way he remembers they like their eggs done, only to turn around and see them there, fast asleep. He smiles and goes to them, kissing their head. They're really, really overdue for rest.
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"No, ssshhh." He smoothes their hair back. "You're doing fine. Dios, Nekane, you're learning as you go and you haven't exactly had a head start." More the opposite.
He shuffles a bit closer, still holding on.
"There's no graceful way to do this. It's all a mess, all of it, no matter who it is. For all that, you're doing fine."
He reaches out of them properly then, pulling them in to a sort of hug.
"He meant everything to you. And you meant so much to him. You two spent so much time together, healed together, caused trouble together. And now it feels like you're on your own. It's all ripped up and it's going to feel ugly. But it's okay. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to cry. Wanting him back, all of it's just fine. Let yourself grieve, my friend. And remember that, even though he can't be with you right now, he's with you in every way he can. In your humor. In your recklessness. In the happiness you feel, when you remember the good times together. In the fact that he cares so much about you and that will never go away, as long as you live. Even if it doesn't feel like enough, you had each other and that will never change. I'm sure he came to be so happy to know you. Just as I am."
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Even if it's something that you have a hard time breaking. Like reaching for a cigarette when you're quitting smoking or refusing sleep.
Héctor pulls them closer and they don't fight it. Not for the first time Nekane wonders when they stopped minding this sort of closeness. Even their file in that hospital had made note they made an exception for Héctor.
"...mushy. So fucking m-mushy." They hiccup, causing a stutter and bury themself against him and in the blankets. But he's right and Nekane knows he's right. Missing someone, mourning them. It's okay.
It's okay.
Nekane takes a deep breath and just...lets themself cry. And more importantly, remember. His expression when they first woke up, his reaction when they called him 'John Doe' for the first time. Every little thing is in their memory and they'll never give it up. John stuck his hand in a bear trap and pulled out someone who was just as fucked up as he was...but.
"He...he saved my life. He's the reason why I'm alive." Because Nekane's not stupid and knew if they found someone else, they would have died. Someone who was nothing helped someone who had to be nothing. "I wish he had a better fucking life but I'm happy he had it anyway. Does...that make sense? Or...does it really matter if I make no fucking sense?"
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They go quiet and he doesn't try to speak or stop it. He lets the cry onto his, dampening his shirt. He runs a hand through their hair, soothing the rougher hiccups and sobs when he can. He has a feeling this is all well over due.
"It makes sense," He answers when they finally speak again. "But it also doesn't have to." Because the point isn't to explain so much as feel it. And maybe be heard.
He kisses the top of their head once again.
"I understand. I've felt the same way. Sometimes those rough paths lead us places. I'll always be grateful to him, for saving you."
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Or maybe they were one of the few exceptions John made in his life. It was hard to tell.
"...thank you." They know Héctor's the kind of person to listen but there's listening and helping. He does both by being here.
Or is it more that they can simply relax when he's around? It's hard to tell. Like standing on a cliff and are about to look over it. Nekane doesn't know.
It's...strange.
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He reaches out and once again brushes their hair back from their eyes. It's not so much that it's ever in the way as it's the excuse to touch and comfort. He smiles, too fond, but Nekane doesn't know and can't tell, so it's okay.
"De nada, Kane," He says back softly. Then, with a slight pause, he asks, "Do you want more sleep? Or would you like me to make breakfast for us?"
Regardless of what time of day it is down here.
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And hungry. Yeah. Priorities.
"Breakfast, probably. Slept too fucking long. Gimmie a minute though and I'll give you a hand."
They need to extract themself from the blankets and all.
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He pats their should and sits up.
"I'll meet you out there. Take your time."
He can at least pull things out, ready some toast... After skipping meals as much as he could in the hospital, he's probably overdue too.
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But despite their grumbling they do eventually untangle themself from the blankets and join Héctor in the kitchen. They immediately shuffle over to the coffee maker and start it up. Two cups, one for them and for Héctor if he wants, and an energy drink and sugar.
Healthy.
"Might need to go shopping later on."
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Though really, he's one to talk.
He doesn't have the health know-how to call out their drink choices but he smirks anyway because no one could pay him to drink the things Nekane does. Too sweet. Much too sweet.
"Maybe for the fresher stuff. We should have enough staples for another day at least, seeing as we were gone all that time." He goes to make up his own coffee and then takes a sip. Nice to be able to have this whenever. "Welcome home by the way."
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So into the coffee the energy drink goes. Messed up organs for the win.
"I'll go through it all and write down a list. Remembered a couple of recipes that you might like." It'll be easy on his stomach too. Maybe they should start looking into vegetarian options too.
It feels weird to have someone welcome them home. John was usually neck-deep in his case files or was otherwise checked out. He showed how he felt in different ways. And when he died Nekane came back to their own empty apartment day in and out. Often they didn't leave.
Weird. But they don't hate it. "Good to be back."
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"Sounds nice." Even if he struggled with food, the gesture was still something. He trusted Nekane as much as he could trust anyone.
He starts looking through the cupboards and the fridge.
"So, what would you like? Huevos, huevos rancheros, chilaquiles... buñuelos?" He looks back at their face.
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But he speaks up and they make themself pay attention. "Huevos sounds nice. Want a hand making it?"
They might still be sleepy but they'll do their best to help.
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"I'm alright. Hard to mess that up. Feel free to rest your head in the meantime."
He closes the cupboards and turns back to the fridge, getting out the simple things. And, gradually, he starts to hum.
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"Alright. But kick me if you need something."
When he breaks off to get out what he needs, Nekane folds their arms and rests their head against the table. Héctor's humming in the silence is nice and soothing. Something to pass the time of silence. Was it a song from him they've heard before?
But their thoughts eventually submit to the sounds of his humming. When Héctor turns around again, they've fallen asleep and are breathing gently.
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But a song that's them.
He finishes cooking, the way he remembers they like their eggs done, only to turn around and see them there, fast asleep. He smiles and goes to them, kissing their head. They're really, really overdue for rest.